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Post by live4laughs on Jun 23, 2006 16:13:07 GMT -5
i think they should have had more transition to make it flow better a line like "how do u think other mutants are going to take it" would have great to flow from the xmen dicussion to the mutant church discussion
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Post by perfectstormx on Jun 23, 2006 16:19:50 GMT -5
nice................. more rewrites!!!!! lol!
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Post by xmenlegend09 on Jun 24, 2006 2:04:14 GMT -5
Note: For this work, note that Professor X did not die by Jean, but was very very very critically injured. Before she actually "killed" him in the movie by dissentegraing him, Jean yelled "No, PROFESSOR!" in her mind and screamed. She didnt acually demolecularize him, stopped but some skin was torn off, he was badly burned, and bones broken. The house fell back down, Magneto helped Jean up and took her, and Storm and Wolverine ran back into the house to see the Professor was practically dead. Storm and Wolverine began to cry looking Xavier's destroyed body. A quick scene would have shown Wolverine and Storm in a hopsital with Moira Taggert and she would come out to the X-men and say "I-I-I don't know if Charles will make it it not..." And the scene would end. So the funeral scene wouldnt be there now, instead would be some dialouge between Rogue and Iceman. Also, Angel would still show it up and there would be dialogue with Roge there also. AND, Iceman's and Kitty's skate pond thing would happen, and the whole thing about "closing the school" would be augmented (I'll re-write this later). Rise and Fall of the Phoenix
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Cure dart after cure dart is fired at a silent and calm Jean, but they do not reach her. The darts are simply frozen in the middle of the air and then they just vanish. Jean just dissentegrates the darts. Jean turns around and looks at the soliders, without breaking a sweat she turns the soliders into nothing. Jean turns back around and faces the X-Men. Cyclops: "Jean No!" Cyclops, Wolverine, Storm, and Beast are immediately thrown back by Jean's power. The X-Men hit the ground hard. The calm and dormant Phoenix that had just overlooked a massacre happen on Alcatraz without as so much lifting a finger had now entered into the action herself. There was going to be no stopping the wrath of Phoenix, the transformation had been completed. Jean had turned into the Dark Phoenix. The X-Men looked at Jean in horror. Scott saw that the woman he loved was different as he now got to witness Jean's actions. Cyclops: "Jean stop this!" Dark Phoenix: "There is no Jean--only Phoenix!" Cyclops: "No! Jean this isn't you." Wolverine: "I know you're in there Jean--control it!" Dark Phoenix: "I WILL NOT BE CONTROLLED ANYMORE!" Dark Phoenix rose into the air as a subtle but defined phoenix formed out of a firery orange light surrounded her body. Alcatraz Island began to fall apart. The X-Men, soldiers, and Magneto ran for their safety. Magneto: "...what have I done?" Magneto continued to get to safety. Through the stampede of soliders, Shadowcat and Leech made their way to safety also. Seeing Iceman, Shadowcat yelled for him. Shadowcat: "Bobby!" He turned to her and assisted her with now-powerless Leech. Colossus followed behind them as got as far as they could from Dark Pheonix. Dark Pheonix began ripping the island, picking up structures and demolecularizing. Dark Phoenix began to slowly spin around in the air wreaking havoc on the island. She landed ontop of a mound of debris continuing her path of destruction. The medical building was torn apart, dissentegrating into the air. Quill, Arclight, and Pyslocke ran for their lives as Dark Phoenix's power followed behind them. Pyslocke had no time to say goodbye or help her fellow Morlocks as she quickly teleported through a shadow escaping becoming one of Dark Phoenix's casualties. Dark Phoenix destruction continued as a vehicles and soldiers were flown through the air being dissentegrating into nothingness. Cyclops, Wolverine, Storm, and Beast stayed the nearest to her, but still out of harm's way. Beast: "We need to leave!" Cyclops: "No! We can't!" Storm: "She's gone!" Wolverine: "Jean is still in there!" Cyclops: "He's right! Jean could have easily killed all of us by now! [calmer]--but Jean is still in there...holding that demon inside. We have to help her." Beast: "So what do we do?" Storm: "...what we should have done sooner." Storm's eyes turn white as she flies into the night sky. Wolverine: "No Storm!" Storm, a distance away from Dark Pheonix, flys up and hovers in the air. Dark Phoenix see's the weather goddess and flies into the air as well. Storm's hair blows with the wind as her eyes glow pure white. Jean's hair whisps in the air is if it was flowing in water, her eyes dark with no sign of life. They stare at each. The sky because even darker as dark heavy clouds fill cover the few stars shining. Electricity sparks from Storm's eyes and hurricane force winds soon enter over Alcatraz. Storm draws her hand and puts it up into the sky, rain begins to pour. Storm: "I'm sorry Jean." Storm looks up to the sky and tornado slowly and chillingly forms over the island. It's positioned directly over and Dark Pheonix and it descends. The tornado, F5 in force, swallows Dark Phoenix. Storm drops her hand violently and a massive lightning bolts rip from the sky with a dynamic sound and enter in the tornado. The dark cloudy tornado flashes with lighting. Cyclops, Beast, and Wolverine gaze at Storm's power. Suddenly, giant streams of water project from the water surrounding the island. Storm, eyes still glowing and feeding power into the tornado looks side to side confused to what is happening. Something then happens to the tornado, it begins to shrink. Storm sends more lightning bolts but they are rejected from the tornado and strike the ground. The tornado gradually disappears and Dark Phoenix is left hovering in the air with her head down. Not knowing if anything as happened to her the X-Men look at the once teammate. Dark Phoenix slolwly lifts her head and looks at Storm. Storm feels something strange take over. Storm: "AHHHHHHHHHHH-UGHHHHHHHHHH-AHHHHHHHHHH!" Beast, Cyclops, Wolverine: "Storm!!!" Dark Phoenix looks at Storm as demonic as she did with Prof.X. Cyclops: "JEAN STOP THIS!!! STOP! Wolverine! "NO JEAN NO!!! Beast: "ROARRR!" Storm: "Ahhhh! Ughhhhhhhh! Unghhhhhhh" Cyclops: "I SAID STOP IT!!!" Cyclops picks something up off the ground, grips it in his hand, and runs to Dark Phoenix. As he tries to make his way to her, sends telekinetic blasts to him pushing Cyclops back. Cyclops falls to the ground, but get's back up and runs to her again. Dark Phoenix blasts him again, but Cylops consistently tries to get closer again." Storm: "Ahhhhh!!!" Cyclops gets up one more time. Cyclops: "God d*mm*t! Jean!!!" Cyclops fires a powerful blast right at Dark Phoenix, but she stops it and disperses it. She looks cold and hard at Cyclops and lets go of Storm. Storm falls down and Beast catches her. Dark Phoenix gets a hold of Cyclops and levitates him, bringing him to her. Cyclops: "Jean, why are you doing this?" Dark Phoenix: "Why do you call me that name?" Cyclops: "Because...it's the name of the woman I'm in love with." Dark Phoenix: "No one loves me." Cyclops: "No. I do." Dark Phoenix: "I do not want to hear any more lies from you people." Cyclops: "Jean--UGHHHHHHHHH!!!! No...Jean.....stop..ughhh.." Cyclops uniform starts to dissentigrate. Restricted by the force of Dark Phoenix, Cyclops tries to move his arm so he can use the cure darts in his hand...he only barely move it, but it is just enough. Cyclops: "ARGHHHHHHHHHH!" Cyclops sticks the cure darts in his own chest. Dark Phoenix drops her hold on him and Cyclops falls to the ground. Cyclops trembles as he is cured. He slowly moves to take off his visor. His red eyes change to normal. He looks up at Dark Phoenix. Cyclops: "Jean, look at me, look me in my eyes. Don't you remember..." A strange feeling comes over Dark Phoenix as her veins disppear. A voice in Jean's head is heard. Professor X:"Jeannn, don't let it control you..." Jean: "Scott....Ahhhhhhhh!" Jean gives out a shriek. Her hair and eyes change to normal. She falls on her knees to the ground. Wolverine runs to them. Cyclops: "Jean?" Jean: "Scott." Cyclops and Jean hug each other as they are reunited once again. As they hug, she looks around at the destruction she has done. Jean: "Scott..." Jean gently pushes away from Cyclops. Jean: "...what have I done?" Cyclops: "It's okay Jean, its gonna be okay." Jean: "No Scott, look what I did. How many will have to suffer for my actions...this isn't right." Cyclops: "Jean, we're gonna help you, Professor is gonna help you." Jean: "Scott, the Professor is...Oh Scott..." Jean begins to cry... Jean: "I can't live with this..." Cyclops: "No, don't say that." Jean continues to cry...and looks around again. Cyclops: "What are you doing?" Jean stands up and Cyclops does as well. Jean: "Scott, I will always love you..." Cyclops: "Why are you saying it like that?" Jean: "...come here" Jean slowly levitates her and Cyclops into the air and they begin to kiss. They continue to kiss as they slowly spin around. *(Yes I thought of this before Superman--besides something like this happened in the X-Men cartoon)* Cyclops and Jean land back down. Wolverine: "Jeanie, I..." Jean: "shh, I know..." Cyclops: "I love you." Jean: "I love you." They hug once more and Jean speaks to the Professor in her mind - Jean: "I did my best my professor." - Professor X: "I know...I'm proud." Then the strange feeling comes over Jean again.. Jean: [Gasp!] "....Save me..." Jeans hair begins to glow orange again and her eyes fade to black as her tears run down her face. Cyclops: [Gasp!] Cyclops feels his body about to be ripped apart. Wolverine: "I love you!--ARGHHHHHHH!!!" Cyclops: "Nooooooooooo!!!" Jean's face changes to normal and she smiles as Wolverine pulls out his claws from her body. Wolverine: "I'm sorry--I'm sorry..." Cyclops holding Jean and Wolverine begin to cry. The streams of water surrounding Alcatraz fall down. The camera slowy fades to black. Professor X: "Goodbye, my X-Men..." [dooooo] The flatline sound goes off at the hospital.
End of Scene. Stay tuned for the good conclusion and other earlier re-writes.Haha.
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Post by *FroZen~AL* on Jun 24, 2006 8:32:34 GMT -5
Great re-writes!
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Post by perfectstormx on Jun 24, 2006 9:19:17 GMT -5
OMG that was flippin cool!!! haha....yes storm went against DP!!! haha, stupid writers, even we can think up of better parts then they can. grrrrr.
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Post by xmenlegend09 on Jun 24, 2006 10:28:07 GMT -5
Yeah, thanks. I don't know though, Storm verus Dark Phoenix still doesn't make sense to me. It would be different if X-Men were atually fighting Jean--but they weren't in the movie, so having her and Storm fight seems pointless. There's really nothing that Storm can do to her. Dark Phoenix is too powerful and so it doesn't make the fight as interesting as let's say Storm and Callisto. Also when you consider that Jean's power isn't shown in its fire-form like it is in the comics or cartoon, so without that visual aid, a fight with Phoenix just seems boring. There also isn't any physical contact, so that's why I don't think Storm verus Dark Phoenix would benefit the movie. Hmm, I might have to edit that re-write.HaHa.
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Post by ntcrawler on Jun 24, 2006 14:47:47 GMT -5
Assumptions:
1. Scott survived his encounter with Jean at Alkali Lake, but has not been located yet. Originally assuming he was dead, Logan begins to have doubts.
2. Jean survived the battle of Alcatraz. Thanks to the love and support of all her teammates (rewrite coming soon), resourcful thinking, and love, she was able to overcome the Phoenix persona, supress her rage, and regain control, at least for now.
Scene: Xavier school mansion hallways, after the battle of Alcatraz. X-Men have returned home. Logan and Storm are having a discussion in the hallways
Storm: "How is she?"
Logan: "As best as anyone could hope to be after what she's been through. It'll take time but she'll be ok. You're not pleased to hear that, are you?"
Storm: "Logan, when I asked if you were willing to do what needed to be done, I didn't have this in mind!"
Logan [angrily]: "She asked me to SAVE her, not to KILL her!"
Storm: "she's dangerous, she can't control her powers or herself"
Logan: "she'll learn. That's what this school is for"
Storm: "are you willing to take that chance?"
Logan: "Jean's been through more than anybody could imagine. She died to save all of us for God's sake! She deserves a second chance, and a break!"
Storm: "She killed Scott! She killed the Professor!"
Logan: "That wasn't Jean at the time! And I can't blame her for being angry after realizing what Charles did to her! And we really don't know what happened to Scott, do we?!"
Storm [no reaction to Logan's statement about Scott]: "How many others did she kill? That's not how this should have ended!"
Logan: "We didn't kill Magneto, did we? We didn't kill Juggernaut, did we? We didn't kill John, did we? We didn't kill a bunch who deserved to die way more for their deeds than Jean ever could!"
Storm: "Logan!"
Logan: "She could have killed us easily last night and you know it! You saw what she was capable of and she spared us all!"
Storm [angrily]: "You have no idea how things may turn out now. She's a danger to us all, and we may have lost our only chance of stopping her!"
Logan [dark look in his eyes]: What would you have me do? Go to her room and kill her now? Would that satisfy your obsession with preserving the plot you've put together in your head???"
Storm [fuming].
Logan [raises eyebrow]: "The X-Men stand as a team, right?"
Storm [turns around and walks off, her eyes white. A storm is brewing over the mansion]
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Post by perfectstormx on Jun 24, 2006 15:31:16 GMT -5
oooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that's good!!!! now, add in some rolo when they "make up" hehe.. ;D
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Post by ntcrawler on Jun 25, 2006 2:18:59 GMT -5
THank you! But a make up scene between Storm and Wolverine will take a while. Because first Storm would have to accept Jean before she can come to terms with Logan. And I'm not sure how to do that yet! Any suggestions?
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Post by powerfulwizard8888 on Jun 25, 2006 5:44:20 GMT -5
Hey guys, I'm new here. I like the rise and fall of the Phoenix very very much. Especially the battle between my favourite character, Storm and Phoenix. And i like the conversation between Wolvie and Storm too!!! Make more guys!!! Keep up the good work!!!
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Post by perfectstormx on Jun 25, 2006 9:32:13 GMT -5
THank you! But a make up scene between Storm and Wolverine will take a while. Because first Storm would have to accept Jean before she can come to terms with Logan. And I'm not sure how to do that yet! Any suggestions? yes! storm comfronts logan and she says she is sorry (logan calls her 'Ro btw) so then they talk blah blah, then all of a sudden, they "make up" ;D
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Post by Kunkryst on Jun 25, 2006 11:22:55 GMT -5
Assumptions: 1. Scott survived his encounter with Jean at Alkali Lake, but has not been located yet. Originally assuming he was dead, Logan begins to have doubts. 2. Jean survived the battle of Alcatraz. Thanks to the love and support of all her teammates (rewrite coming soon), resourcful thinking, and love, she was able to overcome the Phoenix persona, supress her rage, and regain control, at least for now. Scene: Xavier school mansion hallways, after the battle of Alcatraz. X-Men have returned home. Logan and Storm are having a discussion in the hallways Storm: "How is she?" Logan: "As best as anyone could hope to be after what she's been through. It'll take time but she'll be ok. You're not pleased to hear that, are you?" Storm: "Logan, when I asked if you were willing to do what needed to be done, I didn't have this in mind!" Logan [angrily]: "She asked me to SAVE her, not to KILL her!" Storm: "she's dangerous, she can't control her powers or herself" Logan: "she'll learn. That's what this school is for" Storm: "are you willing to take that chance?" Logan: "Jean's been through more than anybody could imagine. She died to save all of us for God's sake! She deserves a second chance, and a break!" Storm: "She killed Scott! She killed the Professor!" Logan: "That wasn't Jean at the time! And I can't blame her for being angry after realizing what Charles did to her! And we really don't know what happened to Scott, do we?!" Storm [no reaction to Logan's statement about Scott]: "How many others did she kill? That's not how this should have ended!" Logan: "We didn't kill Magneto, did we? We didn't kill Juggernaut, did we? We didn't kill John, did we? We didn't kill a bunch who deserved to die way more for their deeds than Jean ever could!" Storm: "Logan!" Logan: "She could have killed us easily last night and you know it! You saw what she was capable of and she spared us all!" Storm [angrily]: "You have no idea how things may turn out now. She's a danger to us all, and we may have lost our only chance of stopping her!" Logan [dark look in his eyes]: What would you have me do? Go to her room and kill her now? Would that satisfy your obsession with preserving the plot you've put together in your head???" Storm [fuming]. Logan [raises eyebrow]: "The X-Men stand as a team, right?" Storm [turns around and walks off, her eyes white. A storm is brewing over the mansion] I'm sorry but I dont like it, you show Storm as someone stupid selfish. And from when Logan is master of intelect ?
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Post by perfectstormx on Jun 25, 2006 12:13:59 GMT -5
lol....make out oops did i say make out?? umm make up scene with storm. LOL!
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Post by Kunkryst on Jun 25, 2006 12:17:26 GMT -5
If I would have mood then maybe I could write something, but since I didnt drink tea for ages due to high temperature my mood is as good as hot icecreams. Thats means that I have no mood. I'm between life and death, withaut strawberry tea.
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Post by ntcrawler on Jun 25, 2006 13:43:32 GMT -5
If I would have mood then maybe I could write something, but since I didnt drink tea for ages due to high temperature my mood is as good as hot icecreams. Thats means that I have no mood. I'm between life and death, withaut strawberry tea. It's a work in progress. My take on things was that after seeing what Jean did, apparently killing Scott and destroying Professor X Ororo would no longer consider her a friend but an enemy, a threat that needed to be stopped at all costs. To her killing Jean would have been preferrable because she would not trust her anymore. But some people and I want to take a different spin on things, make them a bit interesting. Yes killing her would be simple but suppose they did find another way? Now they have a challenge on their hands and need to deal with it. I want to see just how these characters would deal with it, and whether Jean would be able to cope with knowing she was given a second chance and whether she could recover. Logan actually has a pretty good intellect, he's much more intelligent than people would initially give him credit for, he just doesn't express it openly, the same way he tends to keep his feelings and emotions in check. But if you have quiet moments with which to talk, he's quite capable of giving excellent pep-talk and insight from time to time. Pozdrowienia dla moich Rodakow i Kibicow X-menow i filmu Ostaniego Bastionu!!!
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Post by perfectstormx on Jun 25, 2006 14:46:58 GMT -5
eek! ur polish,like me! lol i agree... arrrrghhhh, hey MORE REWRITES. LOL
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Post by ntcrawler on Jun 26, 2006 2:45:10 GMT -5
That's right. Polish people and X-Men fans are everywhere
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Post by ntcrawler on Jun 26, 2006 2:46:02 GMT -5
2 more scene rewrites coming right up! Comments please!!!
*** Scene: Scott's bedroom ***
[Scott is sitting on the side of his bed. We see from the time on the clock that it's just before dawn. He is dressed in his pajamas and wearing his shades. The light is subdued but we can see streams of tears on his cheeks]
[we hear a voice. "Scott." Then again. And again. "Scott!" Louder and louder. Scott looks up, looks around the room. We see images flashing in his head. Jean's final moments. She's overwhelmed by the water. The panicked look on her face. Her hand outstretched, calling out, screaming. Scott! Scott! Help me Scott! Help me! Scott! Scott! SCOTT! SCOTT!]
[Scott clutches his head tightly, and just as quickly the voice and images subside. He turns around and looks on his bed, his eyes lock on to something. He stares at it, leans in close and freezes. He looks astonished. He bolts up-right and quickly throws on some clothes.
*** end scene ***
*** Scene: hallway in the mansion, main floor ***
[Scott walks down the hallway, wearing jeans, a pullover and a leather jacket. He has a small pack slung over one shoulder. He brushes past Logan]
Logan: Hey, Scott, they were looking for you downstairs, you didn't show
Scott [stops and turns around]: What do you care?
Logan: Well for starters I had to cover your ***
Scott: I didn't ask you to
Logan: No, you didn't. The professor did. I was just passing through.
Scott [annoyed]: So pass through, Logan
[Scott turns around to leave]
Logan: Look [grabs his arm, stops him]... I know how you feel.
Scott: Don't. Not everybody heals as fast as you, Logan
Logan: When Jean died-
Scott: [raised voice] I said Don't! Damn it Logan! Every damn night I hear her voice calling out to me! I see visions of her drowning, terrified, begging me to save her!
Logan: You've got to move on, Scott. You're gonna nuts if you keep hearing voices in your head!
Scott: Then how do you explain THIS? [violently pulls something out of his pocket and shoves it in front of Logan's face. Logan looks at it. It's the pendant Jean was wearing we saw in X2 during the museum field trip. A silver PHOENIX. He doesn't recognize it]
Logan: "What's this?"
Scott: "It's the pendant Jean wore when we went on that field trip to the museum."
Logan: "So?"
Scott: "So why the hell did I find it laying on my bed last night?"
Logan: "Scott-"
Scott: "No one could have possibly known where she kept it or what it meant! Either someone's screwing with my head or something's happening"
Logan: [pauses, raises eyebrows] You're going back there, aren't you?"
Scott: "I need answers, Logan"
Logan: "Fine, I'll cover for you. But if you find something, you better call"
Scott: [pockets the pendant and walks away]
*** END SCENE ***
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Post by firetouch on Jun 26, 2006 6:16:25 GMT -5
I would have loved to see a Rogue/Pyro/Iceman confrontation. The trio just needs a deeper scene than Iceman & Pyro battle/Pyro & Iceman at the manifestation, there was no Rogue intervention which sucked
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Post by perfectstormx on Jun 26, 2006 7:39:40 GMT -5
OOO! More!!
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